“Why, oh, why didn’t I take the blue pill?” ~ Cypher, from The Matrix
Life is full of convenient truths and easy to believe lies. Sometimes the thoughts, cultures, and structures we have grown up inside of are little more than facades of varying elaboration designed to keep us from moving or thinking beyond the boundaries of what is comfortable or easy. Most of us like this fact, whether or not we realize it.
It’s easy to go with the flow. It’s safe to belong to the group. It’s rewarding to believe in and rise to the top of the system or culture that surrounds us. For these and so many other reasons, we like the facades that so often keep us penned in.
But sometimes, never often enough and yet all to often, we find ourselves having stepped outside of normal. We find ourselves asking questions like “why?”, and “really?”, and “how come?”, and then all of a sudden we find ourselves on the outside of the groups that used to define our life wondering what’s wrong with them and, more perplexing, what’s wrong with us?
You see, once we take the red pill and see the systems of our life for what they really are, there simply is no going back.
Never again can we feel fulfilled by achievements lauded by leaders of a system that we see as broken. Never again can we be excited by successes proclaimed by a culture whose priorities we no longer share. Never again will we feel that belonging that we once attained from participation and excellence in the structure we’re comfortable inside of.
It’s a disconcerting, lonely feeling to be falling down the rabbit hole.
I say all of this in reference to a couple of things, but mostly because I feel that incredible rush of falling very acutely in my life right now. It’s disconcerting, it’s lonely, and it can be infuriating at times. Just in the last two days I’ve wondered countless times why I can’t just be happy with what everyone else thinks I should be happy with. Why do I instead have to look at what I’ve been taught my whole life are positive results and think, “But that’s not right; we’re working toward the wrong goals.”?
There’s another side to this though. Up to this point I’ve talked about what the rabbit hole looks and feels like when you’re looking back at the top as you fall. You know, how it feels when you’re focused on what you left behind. There’s another end of the rabbit hole.
Turn yourself around in your free-fall and the view changes drastically. Instead of feeling farther and farther away from something valuable, you see yourself falling closer and closer to something wondrous. You see if we’re in the rabbit hole because we’re genuinely seeking, we find ourselves falling ever closer and closer to the real goal – truth.
This may feel like a lonely fall, and it might be messing with my mind to be so far outside of everything that feels normal to me, but I don’t actually regret taking the red pill when it was offered. You see, as I take this fall, this leap of faith if you will, and turn myself to look where I’m going, I see myself drawing every closer to the heart of God.
I’m good with that.